Numbers 12
Jack was a beer-drinking, rotund, loud-voiced, taking-life-as-it-came guy. Married, with two kids, Jack lived life on his own terms. His brother attended the church I was pastoring, but Jack was an Easter and Christmas guy.
Jack really messed up. I do not recall specifically what, but it was big. His wife—let’s call her Sandy—was exhausted with his shenanigans (sinful, selfish living).
Realizing he had really messed up this time, he asked his wife to forgive him.
Jack’s brother came to me, urging me to put pressure on Sandy to forgive Jack. Was it the right time to forgive this unkind, irresponsible man?
Join me please in Numbers 12 for some guidance from Scripture on this issue.
Miriam and Aaron had been critical of their younger brother, Moses. When God struck Miriam with leprosy, Aaron and Moses teamed up to pressure God to forgive and restore Miriam to good health.
What did God say to Moses (verse 14)? God brought up a comparable situation in which a daughter was disgraced. We could paraphrase the conversation as follows: “You [Moses and Aaron] want Me [God] to restore her to health right now. But let’s think of another situation in which a father rebuked his daughter. In that case, she was in disfavor for seven days. How much more should Miriam be out of favor for at least that long.”
So when should Sandy forgive Jack? In seven days, when her life had been difficult for years? Was he to skate back into her life free of charge? Did he expect a sentence spoken in seconds to offset years of irresponsible living? That did not seem right, appropriate, or fair.
On one hand, fair is not something that God insists on (there was nothing fair about Jesus Christ dying on a Roman cross for out sins). On the other, God is not mocked (for a person to live in an evil way for a long time and not experience some strong corrective discipline measures would mock the righteous standards of God; Galatians 6:7). We reap what we sow. So Jack is in for a tough climb back into the good graces of both God and Sandy.
There are two sides to forgiveness. First, God tells us to forgive instantly and without being asked. This is for the benefit of the offended party. Why? So we will stop playing the hurtful video in our heads. So we become emotionally free.
But second, there is the need for Jack to become responsible and loving and diligent, and under the control of the Holy Spirit, not under the control of beer.
And this second forgiveness may take some time. To experience forgiveness and re-establish self-respect, Jack needed to get right with God. Everything else would flow toward improved, responsible husbanding and fathering once Jack genuinely submitted himself to God. Such a transformation needed to be observed by Sandy over a reasonable period of time (months would seem appropriate in light of Jack’s years of offenses).
God was fully able to guide Sandy about when to forgive Jack. And God can guide us into The Right Time to Forgive our own Jack.
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