Hello Dear Anabel,  

I have enjoyed you from afar, not having a lot of contact with you as you were growing up  . . . but seeing your engaging and cheerful spirit in the halls at church and marveling at your graceful ballet motion. We have followed your dancing career with admiring interest.  

Thank you for the coffee you gave me the last time I was at your home.  

We have been disappointed for you, knowing that injury has reduced you dancing involvement.  But you have rallied and become a manager at a Starbucks. Good for you Anabel. 

Your parents have shared with me your interest in a man friend.  I well recall when I was on that faith frontier.  The following paragraph was written in September, 1969. It shares the saga of my waiting for a life-time companion.  

When I was 25 years old, attending seminary and pastoring a small church, I was lonely as I waited on God to provide His choice of a life-time partner. Joan was a cute girl I was dating at the time – she was short with long, pretty hair. We were attracted to each other, but I knew I did not love her enough to marry her. She loved me and would have done anything for me. But it was not right to continue dating her, so I broke it off. Kneeling behind the pulpit in the little church where I was pastoring, with tears trembling off my face, I begged God for the right wife.

The point being that I “get” the saga of your waiting for companionship Anabel.     I know the spiritual struggle – and, make no mistake about it, it is a spiritual struggle of faith. Faith to believe that God will give what is best.  

We want the Anabel of 2043 to grateful for the decisions made by the Anabel of today.  Hence my comments below are my hope that things will be really good for you in 2043.  Please welcome my thoughts because they come from one who genuinely cares for you. 

Marriage is not easy.  And even if one never gets legally married and simply live together, emotional attachment can put bands of steel around a life. After watching the parade for a while (I turned 79 last week), I see that no matter how passionately people can enjoy one another, it is not enough.

The divorce rate is high. The TV program The Bachelorette is phony. All the songs that extoll human love and romance and how intoxicating and perfect it is are not telling the truth. A thinking person realizes human “love” and romance is not enough, as clearly seen in the divorce rate today.   

Eventually the things that hold people together are kindness, helpfulness, forgive-ness, humility and being responsible. Why are these character attributes essential?  Because people fall out of love. And if human love is all people have going for them–each party hoping to get from the other resulting in two lives bankrupting each other–it isn’t enough.  

As a Christian, you have two natures (an old, sinful nature and a new, spiritual nature). Your special friend has one.  So to what will you connect in his life?  His one nature. He may be a very nice person . . . he may be generous, kind and responsible.  But eventually our sin natures pop out.  Your old sin nature will connect with his old sin nature and your new, spiritual nature, will starve. 

Because romance is not enough, eventually one’s relationship with the Living God becomes the primary relationship; the most important thing  (which corresponds with the first commandment–to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength).  

When a man falls out of love with his special friend or wife, if there is no authority above him telling him to love his wife, divorce often (not every time) follows.  As you realize, if a man is committed to the Lord Jesus Christ . . . yet he becomes disenchanted with his wife and the man accepts his responsibility to love his wife, then a couple can survive a dry spell.  A down time.  

But if a man or woman has no higher authority and only human resources to bring into a marriage, the dry spells can be disastrous. 

Anabel, I have dealt with so many estranged and divorcing couples over the years.   No, you are not planning on divorcing. Yes, you are attracted to this good guy.  Yes, you’ll work at it.  Make a go of it (and you may succeed). So said many before you. 

But the potential for hardship is significant.  

You are a smart, beautiful, healthy young woman.  I mean that Anabel – you are a smart woman.  But imagine how smart you will be after you’ve lived another 25 years.  That’s where Mother and Dad are right now – another 25 years down the road.  Add 25 more years and you will be even more street savvy.  

The smartest thing you could do now is seek the Lord and submit to Him and listen carefully to Mother & Dad. They are the two people on this planet who love you the most and have earned the right to coach you. No, they are not perfect.    

Don’t get hungry, thinking this Guy is the last train out of town.  You are an accomplished woman.  God is seeking to grow your faith in Him.  “Can God provide me a husband I will really love?  Will He do so?”  The growing of your faith is what God is doing.  And He has lots of time.  We can grow now, or 25 years from now.   

There is no Bible basis for “missionary dating” (meaning, committing to someone in hopes he/she will become a Christian).  To become emotionally involved with an unredeemed person is one of Satan’s most effective ploys to neutralize a believer.    

Anabel, have you ever hoped you would have been willing to go into the lion’s den with Daniel, or thought of joining David as he faced Goliath.  Well, it is faith time for you now. Faith out this issue.  God is mighty, very able to provide a godly, high-quality husband for you if it is His will for you to marry.  Do you have enough faith to give the marriage option to Him.  God gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him.  

Marilyn and I have been having and holding for 53 years. We disagree constantly    (I suspect that your parents also disagree) and have to work at it.  But it is fun kissing and making up. 

The young lady in the picture at the start of this article does not look too happy. But you can be. Faith can put a smile on your face and peace on the inside.  

You will not like this next sentence now Anabel, but it comes from a heart that cares about you.  What you need to do is break-up with him, but tell him, “Six months after you have given your life and will to the Lord Jesus and attended an evangelical church—which I can verify—please call me. I’d like that very much.”  But the Anabel of 2043 will like it.   

Yours and His, 

Keith Kaynor