We resume our consideration of the three stages of a man’s life by looking further at the wounded phase.
The warrior had previously wounded others by “always searching for other warriors with little interest in or patience with those on the sidelines . . . dismissing anyone who left the battlefield for any reason . . . and having little time for the wounded.” Now – as a wounded man himself – if he is able to think about anyone but himself – he interprets his previous actions in a new way.
The warrior has come into need and often he does not sense that God is initiating his suffering.
Wounding is the opposite of how the warrior thought his life would unfold. For example, in his warrior phase, Job imagined himself growing old and dying with dignity and respect as an elder statesmen of the faith. Many wounded men die in poverty.
A Christian brother adds to this description of woundedness as follows:
- May lead to bitterness
- Deeply disappointed with God
- Feels, and often is, forgotten
- Dwells on past glories and may become jealous of those still in the battle
- Can’t “will” himself out of this season of life
Strangely, wounding occurs in local churches. Wounding can occur either way – pew to pulpit or pulpit to pew. A pastor friend has been serving a congregation for three years. He recently said to me, “I now see that some were bucking me from day one.” Why? Because in the last 25 years, nine different pastors have “served” that church. The longest stayed 12 years, hanging on until he could retire even though he had ceased to have the energy and ability to serve adequately. In the last four years of his dying pastorate, he consumed all the good will people had toward him and the church shriveled. Of the other eight pastors, some were immature or dominate. The church had been through two splits. My friend walked into an atmosphere of floating anger and resentment. Like children whose parents have divorced, congregants of an abusive or carnal pastor feel cheated. They have a chip on their shoulder; life owes these people. If my friend does not seize the spiritual leadership in a
humble way and lead people to confession and restoration, or if he can’t give long enough to be the agent of God’s healing, he may join the wounded as the church machine grinds on.
But woundedness is a normal stop on the masculine journey. It is predictable. It is a necessary part of God growing us. It’s a normative Biblical experience. Peter said, “ … do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” Don’t become a do-nothing husband. Don’t retreat into a mental cave. Don’t stop leading. Don’t set up permanent residence in Woundedville or in a few years you will be a sour, grumpy old man. It is not good when the warrior within departs.
One reaction is to live in the past. Army buddies gather and talk of their glorious exploits 30 years ago. Such reverie revives them. Their attitude is, “That’s when men were men; we were tough; we were strong; that was real life.” Translated, that means “Little of value is happening now.” The difficult present is unable to compete with the glorious past. The past is a great place to drop into for a short visit, but over-staying our emotional welcome won’t help Mr. Wounded in the long run..
In this wounding experience our sinfulness gets exposed as we fall on the Rock. Things happen to shake us into greater awareness and sensitivity.
Through being wounded, we discover how isolated we have become in our drive toward our goals.
Through wounding we discover other people. We are sensitized to them. We come to love our wife more. We finally grow up! We stop being “such a big boy” as we step toward Biblical manhood.
Examples of Woundedness
We resume our consideration of the three stages of a man’s life by looking further at the wounded phase.
The warrior had previously wounded others by “always searching for other warriors with little interest in or patience with those on the sidelines . . . dismissing anyone who left the battlefield for any reason . . . and having little time for the wounded.” Now – as a wounded man himself – if he is able to think about anyone but himself – he interprets his previous actions in a new way.
The warrior has come into need and often he does not sense that God is initiating his suffering.
Wounding is the opposite of how the warrior thought his life would unfold. For example, in his warrior phase, Job imagined himself growing old and dying with dignity and respect as an elder statesmen of the faith. Many wounded men die in poverty.
A Christian brother adds to this description of woundedness as follows:
- May lead to bitterness
- Deeply disappointed with God
- Feels, and often is, forgotten
- Dwells on past glories and may become jealous of those still in the battle
- Can’t “will” himself out of this season of life
Strangely, wounding occurs in local churches. Wounding can occur either way – pew to pulpit or pulpit to pew. A pastor friend has been serving a congregation for three years. He recently said to me, “I now see that some were bucking me from day one.” Why? Because in the last 25 years, nine different pastors have “served” that church. The longest stayed 12 years, hanging on until he could retire even though he had ceased to have the energy and ability to serve adequately. In the last four years of his dying pastorate, he consumed all the good will people had toward him and the church shriveled. Of the other eight pastors, some were immature or dominate. The church had been through two splits. My friend walked into an atmosphere of floating anger and resentment. Like children whose parents have divorced, congregants of an abusive or carnal pastor feel cheated. They have a chip on their shoulder; life owes these people. If my friend does not seize the spiritual leadership in a
humble way and lead people to confession and restoration, or if he can’t give long enough to be the agent of God’s healing, he may join the wounded as the church machine grinds on.
But woundedness is a normal stop on the masculine journey. It is predictable. It is a necessary part of God growing us. It’s a normative Biblical experience. Peter said, “ … do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” Don’t become a do-nothing husband. Don’t retreat into a mental cave. Don’t stop leading. Don’t set up permanent residence in Woundedville or in a few years you will be a sour, grumpy old man. It is not good when the warrior within departs.
One reaction is to live in the past. Army buddies gather and talk of their glorious exploits 30 years ago. Such reverie revives them. Their attitude is, “That’s when men were men; we were tough; we were strong; that was real life.” Translated, that means “Little of value is happening now.” The difficult present is unable to compete with the glorious past. The past is a great place to drop into for a short visit, but over-staying our emotional welcome won’t help Mr. Wounded in the long run..
In this wounding experience our sinfulness gets exposed as we fall on the Rock. Things happen to shake us into greater awareness and sensitivity.
Through being wounded, we discover how isolated we have become in our drive toward our goals.
Through wounding we discover other people. We are sensitized to them. We come to love our wife more. We finally grow up! We stop being “such a big boy” as we step toward Biblical manhood.
Examples of Woundedness
The Lord Jesus Christ experienced an attack from Satan in Gethsemane. Dying on a cross, becoming sin for us and suffering the absence of His Father for the first time, all of which were repulsive to Him. Even though He poured Himself into the disciples, they did not understand that Christ was dying to secure the salvation of believers. His trial humiliated Him before the leaders of
Israel. Crucifixion completed His wounding, since it’s impossible to be more wounded than to be killed.
Moses In the course of rallying the Hebrews, Moses killed an Egyptian. He thought they would realize he was committing himself to lead them to freedom. This interpretation of Exodus 2:11-12 is supported by Acts 7:25. Instead of the Hebrews following Moses, he was rebuked by another man whom the text said was abusing a fellow Hebrew. Believing his crime to be known and judgment coming, he fled to a hot, inhospitable desert. For 40 years Moses lived with the spiders and bugs in the hot, dry desert.
But much worse than the environment was Moses’ sense of defeat, humiliation and isolation. Forty years under a cloud of mystery:
“Why didn’t they follow me? They were suffering so much and I was ready to lead them to freedom! I will never do that again.”
When God wanted to send Moses back to Egypt to liberate the Hebrews, Moses was not eager. Exodus 3 and 4 attest to how wounded Moses was and how negative his thinking had been for decades. Consider all that God had to do to overcome his resistance:
- Burning bush – unique in Biblical calls to ministry
- Verbal, out-loud conversation with the Almighty.
- Rod > snake > rod
- Healthy hand >leprous hand > healthy hand
- Moses’ repeated statement that he felt inadequate
- Moses’ five negative, resistant questions
Elijah After Elijah mocked Baal and his prophets, God answered the prophet’s prayer, fire fell and the revived Israelites committed themselves publicly to God by killing the prophets of Baal. This was a huge success – the nation was half-way to revival! Then Elijah took up the daunting task of bringing rain. There also, he was gloriously successful. Torrents of water deluged the parched earth. Everything was working out just like warrior Elijah had predicted.
Then came Jezebel’s threatening note. Elijah was exhausted when the note came; too tired to realize that a messenger had come, not soldiers. If she wanted him dead, Jezebel would have sent soldiers. She wanted him discredited. She wanted him to be afraid and run. A martyr would have advanced his cause. When he fled, he took all hope of revival with him – which is what Jezebel wanted. He was wounded by his own lack of faith.
He fled south. In his self-talk, Elijah argued with God: “I am not better than my fathers.” Warrior Elijah imagined that he was better than his fathers, or he would not have thought of the comparison. In his warriorness, he was proud. Thinking in grandiose, spectacular terms, he expected revival to come immediately. Ligon Duncan said Elijah’s “I-am-going-to-bring-revival” became an idol. When it did not happen, Elijah was devastated.
Job As chapter one ends, Job had lost a great deal. His wealth was gone. When friends came they did not respect him. In chapter 20, Zophar invested 89% of his 29 verses bashing Job. Zophar spoke about 15 material things that wicked people like Job would forfeit, apparently not noticing that Job never complained about the loss of material things. Job never says, “Oh God, I miss my hot tub and my
La-Z-Boy chair.” Instead of wanting things or complaining about his physical suffering, the man from Uz constantly wanted to meet with God to understand what was happening to him and why he was suffering. The painful unknown. The unexplained. Based on the text of Job – what he spoke about – we have to conclude the mystery factor was more painful than even the loss of children and
possessions. Mystery wounded Job. The unknown. What God has not been pleased yet to explain to us can drain a warrior.
Joseph Instead of his older brothers and parents bowing down to him, Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers who were jealous of him. And he was the one bowing down. Falsely accused, Joseph spent years in jail in what was certainly a violent environment. Chains hurt his ankles and feet. From about 17 years of age until he was 30, Joseph was a slave and/or a prisoner in Egypt. A piece of property. Owned. Bible scholars estimate Joseph was in jail at least three or four of those years. How wounding! How potentially embittering!
Israel. Crucifixion completed His wounding, since it’s impossible to be more wounded than to be killed.
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