“I Don’t Want More Company!”
(Becoming a Person of Grace)

We were cleaning our vacation rental after a wonderfully relaxing week at the beach which had followed another relaxing week at my sister’s cottage. I wasn’t particularly enjoying cleaning the cottage and wondering to myself why we had to clean the place after all. Shouldn’t the owners clean their own cottage? We certainly had paid them enough!

And so my thoughts went. And right in the middle of our cleaning, the phone rang. Thinking it was one of our sons, we were happy to answer it. It wasn’t. It was a former missionary friend, like an over-40-years-ago friend. We hadn’t heard from him in years.

He called to ask if he and his wife could stay at our home that night. For some reason they didn’t have a place to stay and they were calling us at the last minute. We weren’t even home! We were three hours away! We didn’t want to have company after having been gone the previous two weeks. What did the house look like? Who would ask such a thing at such a late date?

But we really had no excuse. We were driving home that afternoon. We could be home in plenty of time to receive them. I knew the house was in pretty good shape and the sheets were clean in the guest room. We said “yes” and then we complained to each other.

You’ve been there. We have all been there. We say “yes” but in our hearts we think mean and unkind thoughts. We feel put upon. We think things like, “How could they?” And yet we smile when we open the door and try to act like everything is fine. And we want it to be “fine.” Our children are watching our struggle to be our better selves.

Is this being a person of grace? Is being a person of grace just going through the motions and yet complaining inwardly and to each other?

A person of grace sees last minute guests or other irritants (complaining children, irritating spouses, unfair decisions or disappointments) as windows of opportunity to respond with grace rather than irritation. Men or women of grace respond with grace when:

• friends or family members disappoint them
• when a needy acquaintance interrupts their schedule
• when loved ones become sick or are dying
• when a spouse is losing their job
• when teenage sons or daughters are rebelling

Turn with me to James 1:2-4. You may already be groaning because you’re remembering this verse. Let’s look at it together. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Can we remember a time in our lives when we responded with pure joy, when our life seemed to be spinning out of control? Did we respond with joy? We are apt to say, “No way, that’s impossible.” In fact, maybe we have dismissed this verse by thinking, “No one can do that and if they do, it’s really fake. It’s like a plastered on smile and it’s so hypocritical.”

You see, we become so full of bitterness, anger, and a critical spirit that we have no energy left to extend grace. We are so full of ourselves, what we want, when we want it and how we want it. We allow the tape player (the mental video) to continually run in our minds, thinking and rethinking about what she or he said or did and each time we replay the tape the situation gets a little worse. We justify our anger and bitterness and think things like, if anyone has a right to be bitter and angry, it’s me.

God brings trials in our lives so that we might become mature and complete (James 1:4), so we should not waste energy and time on bitter thinking. Seasoning our thoughts, and sprinkling them with joy, we become increasingly free to be people of grace.

That day last summer I confess I didn’t choose joy. But that occasion made me stop and think. I needed to ask God to forgive me for my bad attitude and enable me to be a person of grace so I could genuinely say, “Yes, we would love to have you.”

How do you respond when problems come? Do you think with your emotions (anger, hate, bitterness, etc.) or do you think as God would have you think (love, trust, joy, etc.)?

Remember James Dobson’s book, Emotions, Can You Trust Them? The answer is No. We cannot trust our emotions. While sometimes emotions are wonderful, they can also get us into all sorts of trouble. They come and go depending on the circum-stances. God doesn’t want us living under the circumstances. He wants us to live above the circumstances! Do we ask God what He wants us to learn in our trial? Do we believe that God is still in control?

We all will struggle when faced with trials. The secret to Christian maturity is lessening the time it takes from the initial phone call giving us the bad news to the acceptance of the trial as sent (or allowed) by God. And with that confidence in God’s goodness to us, we can choose joy and become people of grace because of the grace He extends to us all the time.

Think about it. Wouldn’t you rather be filled with joy than be miserable and filled with angry and critical thoughts? It’s really up to us. We have the power to choose. Ask for God’s enablement. He will help us choose joy. We need to remind ourselves of all that God has done for us. And remember, our children are watching even when they’re grown up and have children of their own who are also watching. Let’s choose joy and become men and women of grace.

Marilyn Kaynor
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