Most of us would probably describe ourselves as thankful people. When we were young, our mothers taught us to say please and thank you and they would remind us to write thank you notes to grandma, other relatives, or friends when they mailed us a gift. It’s just good manners, right?
But somehow, as we become older, we tend to forgot the importance of saying, genuinely being, and feeling thankful. We begin to fret, complain, and fill ourselves with resentful thoughts. Instead of seeing the good in what’s happening in our lives, we see the bad. Instead of rejecting ingratitude and choosing gratitude, we get sucked into the undertow of a negative worldview. We start focusing on what we don’t have, start to feel bitter, wearisome, and over-whelmed. We become sour and as we share with others what we’re going through, we spread our resentment.
Have you been there? Life’s happenings just haven’t gone your way. You do not get up one day and say to yourself, “I am going to be hard, fretful, complaining, and resentful today.” It just happens. That’s our default setting. Unless we choose to be grateful, our default setting kicks in. We have to choose to be thankful even when we don’t feel like it. It is a choice of our will. In those moments when we sense we’re going under, giving in to discouragement and worry, we discover that choosing gratitude is our life preserver.
How does that work? How can we be thankful for things we really don’t like?” Isn’t that dishonest? Fake? Disingenuous? No. Even in the most difficult times, choosing gratitude can rescue us from our runaway emotions, our natural, sinful bent toward negativity, discouragement, and worry.
You say, “Well, I’m just bent that way. I’m just a negative person. I’ve always been that way.” There’s hope for you! As we choose gratitude rather than negative and resentful thoughts, we will become joyful people. But that choice isn’t easy. That choice requires the constant renewing of our minds with the Truth of God’s Word (Rom. 12:2), the constant savoring of God’s gifts, both the good and the not so good, and disciplining our minds and tongues.
We need to think and speak of His goodness and grace, to see how God is working in even the things that don’t seem so good to us at the time.
Ask yourself, “What is the big picture in what God is allowing in my life?” If you are a committed believer in Jesus Christ, remind yourself that whatever is happening is Father filtered. He never tempts us to sin, but He does allow difficult things to happen to test our faith and to stretch us toward greater dependence on Him.
Let me illustrate: My husband and I have been in the ministry for most of our marriage. Pastoring is not easy. It may look “glamorous” to members of the church, but it is not. Many people feel it necessary to complain and speak their complaints to the pastor and his wife. When complaints came to us, we would get discouraged and resentful. We certainly weren’t thankful! After spilling my complaints to a friend of mine, she asked me, “Did you thank God for that?” I had not!
But when we learned the above truths regarding choosing gratitude and choosing to be thankful for those experiences, we slowly began to renew our minds and our thinking regarding how God works in our lives to grow our faith. We needed to choose to be thankful for what members of the congregation said or did. It takes a long time, but we are getting better at seeing how God can direct us through critical people. We are a work in progress!
We are still working on having “an attitude of gratitude!” The key is to look at the big picture and try and discern what God is saying to us through any given difficulty. How does He want us to respond? And the key to that is choosing gratitude. Try it. The beautiful people in life are those who are thankful. Perceptive and grateful people realize they are what they are because many have helped them along the way, both in positive and negative ways. Let’s choose gratitude. God will enable you if you ask Him!
Marilyn Kaynor
Excellent article on choosing gratitude and learning that ingratitude is our default. We do have to make intentional efforts at gratitude, so thank you so much for writing this article!